A Pained Heart and Determined Mind
by DoctorWhoFan22
Summary: (Read "The Grey Truth" before starting this!) Its been five years sense Josephine graduated from the Shinigami Academy, and she has quickly moved up in the ranks. But what happens when she falls into a forbidden relationship, and into trouble? Will the twenty-one year old go back into her old habits, or find something new to use to cope? (There are touchy subjects are brought up!)
1. Chapter 1

A Pained Heart and Determined Mind: Chapter One

_**((A/N: Before we begin, if you have not read my other story "The Grey Truth" I insist that you read it before going any further than this Author's Note, for that story, nearly every word of it, is extremely important to this one. If you have not read it, please do so now before reading any further, or you will be fairly confused all the way through this story and the next, for this is the second part of the trilogy. With that out of the way, either you go and read the first story and come back here and read the second, or you simply continue from here. Enjoy!))**_

It had been nearly six years sense she had come across the Shinigami Training Academy, she hadn't looked back sense she had enrolled, or, she tried not to, at least. Five years ago she had graduated and joined the Shinigami Dispatch Association. The girl loved her work, though she would never show it while on the job. Though she was glad to get a day or two off to herself, and this was one of those days.

In the kitchen of an apartment one floor above that of William T. Spears, stood Josephine Grey, still in her dark green pajamas, with her hair still wild from her usual bed-head. Today, the fifteenth of October, was her twenty-first birthday, and Grell had insisted that the girl invite the big names of dispatch over to celebrate. She had also invited the man who had saved her life nearly five years ago, Sebastian Michaelis, the butler of Earl Ciel Phantomhive. The green-clad reaper knew that she was supposed to usually avoid Demons, though Sebastian was not as strongly hated as most, and she hoped that her superiors would allow him to be at their gathering that night. She had even thought that she was in love with the red-eyed man who had saved her life, though she constantly pushed the thought and feelings to the back of her mind, keeping a cold composure while working.

Meanwhile, the same morning, a dark-haired, red-eyed man was in the garden of the Phantomhive Manor, choosing some of the beautiful blooms to give as a gift to the girl he had saved in an alley years ago. They had crossed paths several times sense, but never for long, this would be his first chance to really meet her, or so he hoped. The man couldn't explain how he was feeling about her, all he knew was that when he had first saw her that night and saved her, he knew that he had found someone special.

Soon, the man heard footsteps behind him, he rose and turned to see who it was approaching, and it turned out to be his young master, Ciel Phantomhive. The blue-eyed boy looked at his butler, he had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and had taken off his usual tail-coat to prevent it from getting dirty.

"What are you doing, Sebastian?" Ciel questioned, his voice, as usual, was fairly cold.

"I am trimming the roses so that they may bloom even more beautifully next year," Sebastian replied, knowing that it was the answer his master expected to hear. Ciel simply nodded and went back inside the manor, leaving Sebastian to continue choosing the flowers he would give to Josephine.

Back at Josephine's apartment, the girl had changed into a pair of black pants and a blouse with short sleeves and rounded collar, and had her hair pulled back into a low ponytail, keeping it out of her eyes. She had allowed her hair to grow out over the past few years, and it was now nearing its former length, stopping a fair way below her shoulders, where she planned to keep it. She didn't mind the scars left behind from her years with the blade anymore, they had only made her stronger after she had stopped, and most of the scars had faded, and everyone in dispatch had been informed about what she had gone through, so they didn't question the scars they saw if she happened to be wearing a short-sleeved blouse.

That afternoon, while Josephine was finishing the main set-up for that night, ahead of time, as she always did things, there was a knock at her door. She opened it to reveal Joseph Powers, her final exam partner from when the two were recruits. The girl smiled and laughed at his reaction, it had been nearly a year and a half sense he had been transferred to a different division of dispatch out in Yorkshire.

"Wow, I know it's only been a year and a half, but you've changed a lot," Joseph said. The last time he had seen Josephine was nearly two years ago, when her hair was only an inch below her shoulders, and most of her scars had still been fairly visible.

"I can't say the same for you, you still look almost exactly as you did back just after the final exam," Josephine replied. Joseph hadn't changed a bit over the years, the only thing that had changed was that he was now combing back his hair, which only a few years ago would often be a wild mess of spikes that couldn't be tamed.

Josephine allowed Joseph inside, soon after, Grell, along with two other dispatch employees, Eric Slingby and Alan Humphries. As the four guests lingered around, Josephine finished preparing the food and set it all out, just as there was another knock at the door, this time, the man was Ronald Knocks, one of the employees who had recently started out as well. Fairly soon after, there was a laugh and knocking at the door, and Josephine answered, shocked to see the retired shinigami, the Undertaker, standing there. She let the man in, having forgotten that she had even invited him. Sometime later, there was yet another knock, and Josephine's face lit up at seeing Will standing there, holding a small box in his hand. Josephine let the man in, and began socializing with her guests.

Nearly an hour later, while the party was in full swing, there was a single knock at the door, followed by two knocks, then three, the three knocks was what caught Josephine's attention; that was how she knew a butler would knock upon the door to their master's room. It had to be Sebastian. The girl pulled on her green blazer and black driver-style hat, along with grabbing the key to her apartment, telling Grell that she was going for some fresh air and would be back in around forty-five minutes.

Grell was confused, though decided not to say anything about it. Josephine would sometimes have a tendency to disappear for an hour or so every once in a while, though never while she was on the job, she had likely gotten her devotion to her work from spending so much time with William. The redhead simply nodded and continued to talk with Ronald about something.

Josephine walked out into the hall, the lights had gone fairly dim over the hours, though it was light enough to see the man standing before her, his red eyes shining in the dim light, Sebastian Michaelis. Josephine smiled as she was pulled into the demon's chest.

"Happy birthday, Miss Grey," Sebastian said, his voice soft and smooth, sending a shiver down Josephine's spine.

"Please, call me Josephine," the green-clad reaper told the butler, her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"As you wish, Josephine," the butler whispered, as he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to those of the reaper in his arms, softly, yet passionately kissing the girl. After a moment, the two parted, both blushing lightly.

After a moment more of silence, Sebastian pulled Josephine lightly by the arm out of the building through the near-by window and up the fire escape onto the roof. The view took the young woman's breath away as she saw the dim lights of the few homes that were still awake below an endless sky filled with twinkling stars. The man next to her wrapped an arm gently around her shoulders, allowing the woman to rest her head on his shoulder.

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" Sebastian asked softly.

"It is, very beautiful," Josephine whispered in reply.

After several minutes of sitting on the roof, Sebastian began to speak once more.

"I would like you to come to the manor tomorrow, if you are able, of course," he said, and Josephine nodded in return.

"I should have some time tomorrow evening after work," she replied, finally noticing that Sebastian had been keeping one hand behind his back. "What have you been hiding?"

Sebastian gave Josephine a slight smirk and pulled his hand into view. Josephine gasped softly at the sight of a dozen white roses, wondering how Sebastian had found out about her love of the pure bloom. After Josephine had taken the flowers gently from his grasp, he softly kissed her once again. He only spoke after gently breaking the kiss.

"I shall see you tomorrow, then," he stated smoothly, and left, leaving Josephine in the hall in front of her door.

The girl walked back inside after regaining her composure and allowing her light blush to disappear from her cheeks. She put the freshly-cut, snow-white blooms into a tall vase and put them on the table next to her bed before heading back out to the others. The party continued, with quite a bit of goofing around.

Ronald, Eric, Undertaker, Grell, and to an extent, Alan ended up a bit tipsy. Will and Joseph mostly began to act out of character to their usual selves because of being around the others, as well as simply being overly tired from several late nights of reaping. Josephine, though she was now of age, hadn't had anything to drink, though the antics of William and Joseph were enough to get her giddy and acting like a young kid. After a few more hours, the party began to come to a close, with Alan taking Eric back to their apartment so that he wouldn't drink any more than he had and prevent him from going to work the next day with a hangover, and Ronald leaving a while later to head home and sober up for the next day as well. The Undertaker left around half an hour later, going back to his shop in London, while Joseph went back to his own apartment, leaving a still giddy and tipsy Grell, tired Will, and Josephine behind.

After William managed to regain most of his composure, he began helping Josephine clean everything up, while Grell ended up falling asleep on her couch hugging one of the pillows. Once everything was back in order, the two began trying to decide who would wake up the sharp-toothed redhead. When neither decided to actually wake Grell up, Will simply scooped the man up in his arms, bid Josephine good-night and happy birthday, and left.

Josephine yawned, all the excitement had definitely worn her out. After changing into her dark green pajamas and brushing her teeth, Josephine went to bed, no longer fully afraid of her once-nightly nightmares, which were much less frequent now. Once she had written in her dark green journal, the same old book she had gotten when she started attending a support group to help with her self-harming problem years ago, (she would now attend to show what getting help could do), the girl placed the book and her green-framed glasses next to the vase of white roses, and went to sleep.

Early the next morning, Josephine woke up, her blurry vision clearing once she put on her glasses. As she got ready for a day of reaping, the girl couldn't stop thinking of her meeting with the demon butler. That was until she gained control of her emotions when she met up with Will to head to work.

Josephine had several souls to reap that day, though it was less than usual, she knew that she would be working hard to get everything done. And that was if she didn't end up having to clean up after some of the newer rookies. Though, by the end of the day, the young man she was the superior to, Christopher Johnson, slipped up on his last collection and record of the job, which she had to go back and fix, which took a fair time longer than she had thought.

Nearly two hours after she had intended to get out of work, Josephine was finally able to head home, get changed out of her tailored dark green suit jacket and dark green tie, into something a bit more comfortable. Once in her usual white blouse and green blazer, Josephine slipped on a more comfortable pair of shoes and headed out. The shinigami could only hope that she wouldn't be followed heading into the living world and to the Phantomhive manor, though, this time, she luckily made it, as she walked down the pathway to the door, and took a breath. After a short moment of nervous hesitation, the green-clad reaper knocked upon the door, and waited.


	2. Chapter 2

A Pained Heart and Determined Mind: Chapter Two

_**((A/N: In the last chapter, I forgot to credit the idea that got that chapter off the ground to irishjenny, thanks for the idea! Also note, that sense this is set after the events of both seasons of the anime (though I'm not writing him as being a demon, I just don't feel like doing that, sense I don't know how it would affect the character), Ciel is somewhere around 17 or 18 years old, sense I'm trying to keep the age of the characters relevant to the story-line I'm using in this.))**_

__After a short moment, the door to the manor swung open, a well-dressed man standing before Josephine. He had black hair, falling just into his face, and red eyes, Sebastian looked just as handsome as the night before. The butler let the young woman inside, welcoming her to the manor.

"I'm sorry for being late, Sebastian; there were a lot of records that needed reviewing," Josephine stated, trying to explain why she was nearly two hours later than she thought she would be.

"It isn't any trouble, Josephine, I assure you. Now, there _is_ a fairly serious reason to why I wanted you to come here. You see, the Young Master and I have recently received a case that is just out of our hands, after I had told him of your abilities, he requested that he meet you as soon as he could. I do hope that you don't mind," Sebastian told her, explaining just why he had asked her to be here on such short notice.

The young woman nodded, and was led to one of the manor's rooms, the drawing room, she knew from what Sebastian had told her. The butler knocked fairly softly on the door, and a call came from the other side, telling the two to enter.

"My lord, this is the young woman I was telling you about, Miss Josephine Grey," Sebastian said to a young man.

The young man before her had one eye visible, and it was large and bright blue, his hair fell over his other eye, and was blue-black in color. He had a stern, though bored look about him, almost as if he had nothing to do much of the time.

"Are you sure she's fit for this, Sebastian?" the young man asked.

"That decision is up to you, my lord."

The young man rose from his chair and walked towards Josephine, examining her with a cold, yet bored look. After some time, he nodded, and motioned for the girl to sit down. Josephine took a seat, silently wondering what this boy could be thinking.

Several moments of silence passed, reminding Josephine of an event that took place five years ago; the little 'meeting' between her and her superior, William T. Spears. It had been a long time ago, though the girl still remembered her feeling of dread as her story slowly fell apart, and she was forced to admit her true past. The silence was heavy and tense, until a small smirk crossed the lips of the young man.

"She is truly a reaper, just as you said, Sebastian. That makes her perfect for this, if she chooses to accept the offer."

"Might I ask what this is all about? I do not intend to sound rude, but why am I here? I understand that you are working on a case that I could potentially help with, though we're very busy trying to piece together a mystery of our own back at dispatch," Josephine stated.

"There has been a string of murders committed by a cult in the area, and it seems to be affecting those on your end of the spectrum. You see, there is not one trace of the souls the bodies had contained, as is usually left by a reaper, there's always a trace left behind, but these bodies have none at all," Sebastian replied. "We believe that you could possibly assist us with the case."

Josephine thought for a bit, she had already been assigned to this case at dispatch, and along with her usual work, if she accepted this offer, she'd need to start working overtime, something she really didn't want to do. The Shinigami was silent for a moment, thinking, contemplating her choices. On one hand, if she chose to accept, Josephine would be able to spend more time with Sebastian. On the other, with everything else on her plate, the young woman would end up working overtime if she accepted. The minutes passed silently, the pair giving the young woman time to think.

Finally, Josephine spoke, "I'm sorry, but I'll have to decline. It's a tempting offer, but with so much currently on my plate, I simply don't have the time to work two angles on the same case," she stated, her tone having a sincere, though slightly tired tone to it. She rose from her seat across from the young man in front of her and pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose, the light coming through the window glinting off the surface of the lenses.

"Thank you for your time, then," the young man stated politely, ordering Sebastian to show Josephine out. The butler bowed, and led Josephine out of the manor, stopping her before she left.

"You already knew about the souls being lost?" he asked, curiosity prominent in his tone.

"Of course, Sebastian, these records being lost is taking its toll on my job. I've been working overtime for nearly two weeks trying to find something, anything that would lead to the reason why these records can't be recovered" Josephine replied.

"Well, thank you for your time, Josephine. If you do end up finding something, please write, or visit, I truly enjoy your company," Sebastian said, bending down a bit and softly planting a peck on Josephine's lips, though only for a short second before backing off.

Josephine smiled lightly. "I'll be sure to visit when I can, though you need to remember, we aren't supposed to be seeing one another. I'll see what I can do, though," she replied, getting on her tip-toes to place a soft peck on Sebastian's cheek before leaving for her apartment.

It was dark by the time Josephine arrived home, yawning. The woman decided not to bother making dinner; she wasn't all that hungry, anyways. She simply put on a set of her silky, dark green pajamas, and curled up under the covers of her bed. The woman's slim form nearly melting into the warmth of her bed as she placed her green-framed glasses on the black bedside table and drifted off to sleep, a now welcomed friend, rather than a feared foe as it had been in years gone by.

The reaper slept soundly though the night, barely stirring in her sleep, and not waking up from her slumber with tears streaming down her cheeks. She would have nights like that, where she would wake up crying in the middle of the night, or days every now and then where she had to force herself to stay strong and not return to the blade, or go to another medium for relief from her stress. What helped the most now, was knowing that there were people who cared about her, and would listen when she spoke of what was on her mind, and would allow her to cry on their shoulder when it was needed. Having someone who finally cared was the greatest comfort Josephine had, and in the time to come, though she didn't know it just yet, those people she knew cared, would be the ones to keep her going in an even more trying time than back when she was mentally weak and unstable.

_**((A/N: Hey everyone! I just wanted to apologize for the delay between chapters, I've been on a couple of vacations and I wasn't able to write much while I was away, but I have returned! I also want to credit irishjenny (again, lol) for her help with this chapter. And yes, I'm aware that this chapter is fairly short compared with what I have in The Grey Truth, the chapters will be getting longer as the story progresses.))**_


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